Chapter Three
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN
Men Are Not a Mystery
Many women are constantly puzzled by the behavior of men. These women keep expecting men to act like women and are surprise when they don't.
Men are not like women. They are, if you will, a different kind of machine. But a machine nonetheless. They behave in very predictable ways, more so perhaps than women.
here are some characteristics of men that may surprise you.
Men do not talk to each other about relationships
In fact, Men do not talk to each other at all. That's how they have time to watch sports. Men do not interpret life in terms of relationships. They interpret life in terms of results. They therefore have a much more black and white view of the world than women.
Men do not care about flowers
When a man gives you a beautiful bouquet you may be moved to tears. But he won't care about them at all. He is giving them to you to make you do something he wants you to do or to prevent you from doing something he doesn't want you to do (like dumping him). Most likely the flowers were chosen by his secretary. The only input he had was to say, "Don't go over $65." When you call to tell him how beautiful they are, keep in mind that he probably has no idea what he sent you.
Men do not even like flowers. If they did, they would give them to each other.
Men are visually oriented.
Men are initially attracted to you by your physical appearance. (Hence the importance of looking good). A man will almost never ask you out unless he is pleased and excited by your physical appearance.
A man may like you because you have nice feet. he may like you because you have large breasts or he may like you because you have long legs or beautiful eyes and thick pouty lips. It does not matters what he likes about you. he may call you obsessively because he is fantasizing about sucking your toes or having sex with you from behind. This does not mean he cares about you. In fact, you can be sure that he doesn't. you haven't had time for him to done to you. But you can still reel him in using the things he likes about you even if a continuing relationships is not initially on his agenda.
Healthy heterosexual men are not naturally monogamous
Men like to fool around. Given the chance they will. This is nothing personal. If they don't cheat on you it's not because they don't want to, it's because they value your relationship more than they do the chance for casual sex, or they may just be lacking opportunities to cheat. All things being equal, however, the majority of men will cheat on you if they have the opportunity.
Men are attracted to women of childbearing years
While you may grow old, your man will continue to be attracted to women of childbearing years. Women can be quite comfortable with a much older man. Men, on the other hand, are genetically biologically programmed to be primarily attracted to women who are under 35-years old. Men are designed to want children and they select mates that are capable of having them. That's whey many wealthy men trade in their wives for a younger woman every 10 years or so. This is not because men are evil of selfish. This is simply because they are men. Men want to be with a woman of a woman of childbearing years even if they don't want to have children. This is why you must be prepared to fight for a big divorce settlement if he decides to trade you in.
Sex becomes more and more infrequent the time you spend together. however, his sex drive is by no means diminished.
There is an old joke that there is no sex after marriage. After a year or so of marriage you may find that this joke is on you. Your man will usually grow tired of having sex with you. This is a very bad sign for the future of your relationship, because you can be sure that his sex drive has not diminished. Your man just isn't finding you as the outlet he wants anymore.
Men like to please women, but they must feel that they can please her
A man will dump a woman he is very attracted to physically if he feels he cannot please. Men like to please women. But a woman who is constantly and relentlessly demanding will not hold on to her man because he will soon realize that no matter what he does he can never please her. This will make him miserable. More importantly, it will make him dump her. Encourage your man by showing him that he can make you happy. That will make him happy.
Men can be broken
Ask any woman who has been married five years or more. She has found the way to break down her man by getting him into a routine of being with her. Eventually they get used to the idea of being with you. after that he may get used to the idea of not being with other women, although in many cases this is a longer process. The point is you can succeed in breading him down by subtly working your way into every aspect of his life.
Men can't read your mind and don't want to
Worse than that they don't have a clue what is in it. that's why you must communicate clearly what you expect of him. Communicate in a clear but positive and upbeat way what it is you want him to do. He will want to please you if you show him you care. Being angry with him will just turn him off to you. If you yell at him you can be sure he won't do what you want. Don't expect him to know what you want. The thing you want would probably never occur to him in a thousand years. it's up to you to communicate your needs and desires. If you don't, no one else will.
Men view how you look as a reflection on them
No man wants to be seen with an unattractive or unpresentable woman. Every an wants to be seen with a beautiful woman on his arm. This is the highest status a man can achieve. There is nothing more humiliating for a man than to be seen with an ugly woman. From his perspective your looks are not about you, they are assets to him. If you don't look good enough to make him proud he will drop you. And he may do so after years of marriage. The high net worth man's nagging desire to trade up is an issue you will facing throughout your tenure as a high net worth wife. Keep in mind that because he is rich he will always be able to replace you if he wants to. Protect yourself financially in case disaster strikes. It can arrive with startling swiftness.
Life is a Business; Marring a High Net Worth Man is a Job
Life is a business and human beings are traders by nature. Your man will only care about you if he perceives that you are adding value to his life. You add value by being presentable to his friends, colleagues, family and strangers, by being an asset in his life and by giving him what he wants in bed. Unless you are providing value you can be sure he won't marry you. No employer will hire a person who can't do the job. Your knight in the shining silver jet will certainly not marry you unless he perceives you as someone who can provide continuing value. Being his wife is a very lucrative opportunity which can provide lifetime security and benefits for you and your future children. In exchange you will be expected to supervise and decorate multiple households, arrange social events, bear his children, be available for sex (whenever and however he wants it), make sure his life runs smoothly and look damn good doing it. It won't be easy but it will be well worth it!
Chapter Four
THE MOGUL PERSONALITY
If you are going to dig for real gold, you had better understand what you are getting into. While every mogul is different, with many unique positive and negative characteristics, the super-successful man will usually have the following qualities.
1) He will be different.
One of the most attractive qualities of the super-successful man is his highly developed sense of self-confidence. He knows who he is and he knows that he wants. If he want you he means it.
2) He will be very intelligent.
The super-successful man has a piercing intelligence that often gives him the ability to unravel extremely complex and difficult circumstances and see through to the most probable end result and how it will affect him. Such men often have a unique eye-opening perspective on the world because they see things so differently from the mass of ordinary people.
One mogul we know how had just bought a gay newspaper in a major city to help with his liberal wife's election campaign was being lambasted in the press by gay activists for buying the newspaper in that they viewed as a Wall Street takeover o fan important gay media outlet. When we asked this mogul how he felt about the thrashing he was getting from the press his response was certainly counter-intuitive:
"We think it's great," he said, "It's free publicity for the paper which will make mainstream advertisers comfortable that they can advertise with us without being identified with the radical gay element. This will increase our revenue between 20 and 305. Of course he was right.
3) He will be a risk taker.
You may find your mogul repeatedly gambling his existing assets to build something bigger. Your stomach may be permanently experiencing that sinking feeling from the incredible risks he is willing to take. But don't worry. Even when they fail, these guys can usually pick themselves up and get back on their feet in very short order. Read Trump: The art of the comeback, by co-authors Kate Bohner and Donald J. Trump, for a good example of how a mogul made it back from the precipice.
4) He has a low level of fear.
While he may not be completely fearless, he will be unafraid to be himself and will be much less afraid of external circumstances than the ordinary person.
5) He will be extremely energetic.
He may not need much sleep. He will have the energy to run you ragged.
6) He will be charming
Even when a successful man lacks social skills he will have charm. If he is charmless he is unlikely to stay successful.
7) He will be aware of the surrounding circumstances and people to the extent that they affect him.
He knows how others perceive him and he will have a sense (perhaps a somewhat exaggerated sense) of his own power.
8) He will be determined and persistent, even ruthless in getting what he wants.
He may perceive obstacles as opportunities and if he really wants something he will not take 'NO" for an answer.
9) He will be optimistic and positive in dealing with others.
He will be confident about his ability to get what he wants. That's how he become so successful in the first place.
10) He will be extraordinarily, mind-bogglingly selfish.
The super-successful man always asks what is in it for him. His ultimate concern is himself. It will be a challenge to make him care about you.
11) The super-successful are sued to getting their own way. Quickly, and watch out for detectives. You may find that he is controlling to the point of having you followed or kept under surveillance.
12) He may be one of more of the following:
i) Narcissistic;
ii) Charismatic;
iii) Secretive;
iv) Stingy;
v) Angry and irritable in private;
vi) Difficult to bond with;
vii) An insomniac;
viii) Or large girth or appetites;
ix) Vengeful;
x) A liar
13) He will understand that life is a business.
He will want to know what value you can add to his life.
Mogul personalities are often very difficult to live with if you fight with them for control. They may clash with a strong independent woman. Mogul personalities like to control the people around them. Sometimes they control people by taking care of them. in effect they want to own you. There is no point in fighting with him over this. You are not going to win. With the mogul personality, demonstrating your financial independence may make him uncomfortable. He will like to pay for you and give you gifts. This is something you should be able to learn to accept.
The Trump Dump
It was pitch-black in the auditorium. Donald Trump was bellowing through the public address system: "We had the best year ever!" The employees cheered. It was the holidays. The Plaza Hotel in New York City. The Trump Organization Christmas part.
Kate Bohner had spent the past months writing trump: The Art of the Comeback. Like many business magazine journalists, she had jumped at the chance to write what had to become a bestseller. So here she was, six months hence - after Trump: The Art of the Comeback had indeed become a bestseller, number 3 on the New York Times list and number 1 for The Wall Street Journal.
"Now I want to talk about my book..." cooed the Donald into the microphone. "KateSo, you here?" His ruddy, bloated face floats above the microphone. he scanned the room. "KateSo!" he barked.
Kate raised her hand from the back of the ballroom.
"I'm the only person who has a ghost writer whose picture is on the back of the book," the Donald continued. The crowd chuckled. "But hey, she's kind of great looking. " The room bursts into applause.
Later that evening, as the bad 12-piece band blared, Kate Bohner approached the Donald. She had something very important to go over with him. It was about the book.
The deal with this. She got paid 60K for the manuscript - in three installments.
"KateSo," The Donald had told her back in May. "If the book goes above number five on the new York Times bestseller list... I'll bonus you 100 grand."
The book was at Number 3. Kate was at the Christmas party to collect her bonus.
A bit later, Kate approached The Donald. He was perched by the shrimp platter. "Hey Donald, what about my 100 grand?"
"KateSo", he turned and narrowed his eyes. "Sue me", he declared coldly.
Kate was stunned.
But why was she shocked?
Over the past year, in the course of writing the book, Kate told us she has watched The Donald offer 10 cents on the dollar to settle a bill he owed to a contractor with four kids who had just lost a big job. She had seen him fire that contractor's brother, a steam fitter, on Christmas Day. The Citiback loan officer who had turned him down for a revolving credit facility in 1995, when he nearly went personally bankrupt? The Donald spent hours ensuring her son had difficulties getting a commercial lease in New York City.
Why had Kate thought she was any different?
The truth is it was nothing personal. Trump was just being the Donald. To him it was just business. Kate hadn't gotten the bonus promise in writing. In Bohner's view, The Donald stiffed her just because he could.
Trump, like every truly successful person, is totally focused on his own needs and desires. His real expertise is taking care of himself. people like trump seem aggressively selfish... because they are. And it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Study your target carefully. If he has a classic mogul personality, you will be able to fit very nicely into his life on his terms in the classic manner. he pays the bills and you lobby quitely for the things you really want. Whatever power you have will have to be exerted from within the context of your relationship through cajoling and persuasion.
In a sense, the classic mogul personality fits perfectly with the classic gold digger. Both operate on the principal of taking care of number. He gets control and you get the Blackglama mink coat. That' whey so many wealthy men end up with Gold Diggers. In the end, they are made for each other.
(To be continued)